Our Roots
Remembering Where Your Adoption Began…
Your adoption journey has finally reached its destination. Here you are holding your baby, you are now Mom and Dad. Your parents are all thrilled to be grandparents. You can envision those first steps, first day of school, high school graduation. This day will live in your memory as one of your happiest days, a day filled with joy and hope for the future.
This is a day that will live in someone else’s memory as well. She will remember it as a day filled with the feeling of sadness and loss, even though she knows she did what was best for her baby. The birth mother of your child has made this joyful day possible for you and your family by the unselfish act of putting the needs of her baby above her own happiness.
Whatever the circumstances that led your child’s birth mother to decide that adoption was best for her baby, she deserves kindness, recognition, and respect. As adoptive parents, you need to hold her in high esteem for having the strength to choose adoption and should understand the importance and honor of her choosing to entrust her child to you.
You are now and will forever be your child’s parents. Your child will also forever live in the heart of her birth mother. She will never forget her child and will think of her, especially on days such as her birthday. She will always be hoping she is happy, being well cared for, and loved.
The greatest gift you can give to this birth mother who has given you so much is the confirmation that she made the right decision for her child. Whatever the agreement for contact after the adoption is, make sure to stick to it. If letters and pictures were requested, make sure you send them. When she sees pictures of a happy family and sees your child thriving, it will give her joy and peace of mind that she did the right thing. If an occasional visit was agreed to, make that happen. There can never be too much love in a child’s life.
If the thought of having your child’s birth mother be a part of your lives causes you anxiety or fear, talk to your adoption professional or other adoptive parents. Read other’s stories about some of the beautiful relationships formed between adoptive families and birth families. Research the benefits that a healthy relationship with a birth mother has on an adoptive child.
By honoring the wishes of your child’s birth mother, you are honoring your child as well. She placed her most precious child with you, and following through with your agreement is something you do for both of them, not just the birth mother. You will find that in opening your hearts, everyone wins.
I’d rather play at hug o’ war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.”
― Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is an award-winning author who has been quoted in and consulted for Parenting and Adoptive Families magazines, has over 225 television appearances, and has appeared on CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, FOX, and BBC. Mardie has been named Woman-Owned Business of the Year, and is a member of P.E.O. Sisterhood, whose mission is women helping women reach for the stars. Caldwell is a mother of two and lives in Northern California.
Remembering Where Your Adoption Began…
Your adoption journey has finally reached its destination. Here you are holding your baby, you are now Mom and Dad. Your parents are all thrilled to be grandparents. You can envision those first steps, first day of school, high school graduation. This day will live in your memory as one of your happiest days, a day filled with joy and hope for the future.
This is a day that will live in someone else’s memory as well. She will remember it as a day filled with the feeling of sadness and loss, even though she knows she did what was best for her baby. The birth mother of your child has made this joyful day possible for you and your family by the unselfish act of putting the needs of her baby above her own happiness.
The greatest gift you can give to this birth mother who has given you so much is the confirmation that she made the right decision for her child. Whatever the agreement for contact after the adoption is, make sure to stick to it. If letters and pictures were requested, make sure you send them. When she sees pictures of a happy family and sees your child thriving, it will give her joy and peace of mind that she did the right thing. If an occasional visit was agreed to, make that happen. There can never be too much love in a child’s life.
If the thought of having your child’s birth mother be a part of your lives causes you anxiety or fear, talk to your adoption professional or other adoptive parents. Read other’s stories about some of the beautiful relationships formed between adoptive families and birth families. Research the benefits that a healthy relationship with a birth mother has on an adoptive child.
By honoring the wishes of your child’s birth mother, you are honoring your child as well. She placed her most precious child with you, and following through with your agreement is something you do for both of them, not just the birth mother. You will find that in opening your hearts, everyone wins.
I’d rather play at hug o’ war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.”
― Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is an award-winning author who has been quoted in and consulted for Parenting and Adoptive Families magazines, has over 225 television appearances, and has appeared on CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, FOX, and BBC. Mardie has been named Woman-Owned Business of the Year, and is a member of P.E.O. Sisterhood, whose mission is women helping women reach for the stars. Caldwell is a mother of two and lives in Northern California.