Choosing Adoption

Am I Selfish for Choosing Adoption?

If there is no bond stronger than the one between a mother and her child, then how could parting with my baby possibly be the right thing to do?

This question haunted me when I learned of my unplanned pregnancy. The world tells women that becoming a mother is their biological purpose. That they will be filled with a selfless desire to love and protect their offspring at any cost. Underneath my fear and uncertainty, I did feel those base instincts to put my child first. Yet for me, those instincts knew that adoption was the only way I could accomplish this.

That knowledge didn’t make my decision any easier. My inner voice was at odds with society’s expectations. Was my choice selfish? I admit that part of my decision was based on the life I envisioned for myself. I didn’t want to raise a child alone. I wanted college and financial stability, and those reasons felt self-serving. There were times when people would commend me for making a brave decision, and I felt like a fraud. I bore shame and guilt in wanting my life to go back to the way it was. However, I realized that those were the same reasons I was not in a place to give my daughter the life she deserved. I wanted better for her.

placing my child for adoption
Placing my daughter for adoption was the most difficult experience of my life. As confident in my choice as I was, my heart was betraying my head. This was a tremendous loss, and it hurt. However, as we moved through the adoption process, all of my selfish reasons fell to the wayside. My only concern was giving my daughter the life she deserved – and it was a life I couldn’t provide for her. This wasn’t about me; it was about her.

There is a stigma placed on women who choose adoption. They are seen as deficient in some way. They don’t want to take responsibility for their choices. They are taking the easy way out.

Through my experience with Lifetime Adoption, I learned this couldn’t be further from the truth. Birth mothers are brave, and selfless, and take full responsibility for providing their child with a hopeful future. Lifetime Adoption’s non-judgmental guidance has helped me see myself this way too. We birth mothers spend countless hours researching placement agencies and prospective adoptive parents. We suffer through the stages of grief over our loss. The truth is that adoption is a loving decision made by birth mothers who put their child’s welfare first.

Each birth mother’s situation is unique, and our decision to choose adoption is intensely personal. I am united with these diverse women through our sacrifice for the sake of our children. We have taken a difficult situation and turned it into something beautiful. Choosing adoption wasn’t selfish. If you ask me, putting your child first, even in an unconventional way, is a very maternal thing to do.